dadtells.com

To My Sons and Daughters,

Like most caring parents, I often wondered if you knew I much I really loved and cared about you and the type of man or woman and parent you would one day become.  We argued about school, homework, curfews, choices of friends,  house chores, clothes, Jerry Springer, punishments (up to 13 weeks), and PG-13 & R rated movies just to name a few.  I was the enemy stopping you from expressing yourself first as a teenager, and then as a young adult man or woman.  I was inflexible, old-fashion, and the “No” man (opposite of the yes man).

Although, I would never admit this while you were growing up (hint: most parents won’t – not even you),  I often times wondered if I was making the right and/or the best decisions for you.  The answer to that question would haunt me for years until now.  I see the men and women you are becoming – each of you with your own personal struggles and challenges -  but I am confident that when it matters you too will make the right and best decisions.

P.S. Like most caring parents who have raised caring sons and daughters,  I realize that you always knew and still know that I love and care about you. This is one joy of fatherhood. Keep this in mind.

Love,

Dad

To My Sons and Daughters,

I asked this question because at first I thought I had an answer – a point I wanted to make to my sons about becoming and being a man. The more I thought about it the less I was satisfied with the answer.

Is it when a boy fathers his first child?
Is it when a boy turns 18 or 21 years old?
Is it when a boy declares himself a man?
Is it when a boy leaves the “nest” or his parents’ home?

Other family and friends offered these insights:
“When you have complete control of your life”
“When he meets a woman”
“When he starts taking care of his own responsibilities and step to the plate of doing what he has to do for his family”
“When he gets Responsibility”
“When he moves out and pay his own bills”
“A boy becomes a man when he can take care of himself”
“It depends on the man and the things he has been through”

After giving this much thought, I decided to write this letter…

Dear Sons,

The definition of what is a man and at what point you become one is something you have to decide for yourself. While others will do their best to influence and speed up this process; and circumstances and situations might seem to force you to make the decision to be or “act-like” a man – it is still your choice. The worst choice you can make is to do nothing and allow yourself to become trapped in between being a boy and being a man.

The one piece of advice I can offer you is this – a man is not defined by what he has but- what he does with what he has, how he does it, and who he does for.

There’s a biblical verse that I found helpful – 1 Corinthians 13:11: When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.

The question you must ask and answer for yourself is – “Is it time to put away childish things?

Love,

Dad

To My Sons and Daughters,

I had a talk with staff today about asking the question ’why’ to drill down to the root causes  of things we see and hear in the community.  The exercise revealed some of our own assumptions and prejudices about people and in some ways about ourselves. How many times have you, my sons and daughters, stopped and asked yourself why and really challenged yourself to answer that question honestly and thoughtfully. The answer can not simply be – because I want to..

Love,

Dad